The Gratitude Project (part 4)

I wonder, had I known what was in store for 2020, would I have started this project? As it ends, I see the benefit. I realize how the reflections helped me survive it. But I don't know that I would have signed up for a Gratitude Project knowing we were about to endure what this year threw at us.

But that's the thing, isn't it? We can't choose what we live. We can only choose what we give to it and, eventually, hopefully, the lessons we take away from it.

The 2020 Gratitude Project
During past 365 projects, somewhere in the middle of the year, I found myself losing the purpose, getting overwhelmed by the scale of it and worrying about daily images “not being good enough.” I’m hoping this year will be different as I work to change the the way I think about documenting our life. Some amazing sermon series, several life experiences and a few books and people placed in my path at just the right time are starting to shift my photography brain. As I complete this 365 (well, 366), I’m working to focus on the following: – There is no room for self doubt or insecurity. This project isn’t about proving a talent or perfecting a skill. This project focuses on noticing, on being aware of the blessings placed in front of me and capturing them, and on being grateful for the gift of seeing. Comparing or measuring my technique places the focus on me, and the goal is to focus on the blessings.

Grant me daily the grace of gratitude, to be thankful for all my many gifts, and so be freed from artificial needs, that I might lead a joyful, simple life. -Henri Nouwen –

I will trust in the process, not chasing opportunities or panicking that the day will not produce an image. This is simply a documentation of my life and the things for which I am grateful. This project isn’t about searching for the best light or hunting down the most engaging lines or building more connected interactions – this project is about noticing those things and then gratefully documenting them. I do hope that the project fine tunes my eye and polishes my story presentation, but that’s not the ultimate goal.

If we really want to be full and generous in spirit, we have no choice but to trust at some level. – Rita Dove –

These daily scenes and my gift of photography come from God. I don’t have anyone to impress or compete with during this journey. It’s an exercise in appreciation for this world and for the gift with which I was blessed. Competition results in one of two outcomes – I am better than someone else or someone else is better than me, and neither of those conclusions are healthy or accurate.

Gratitude is not a passive response to something given to us, gratitude is being awake in the presence of everything that lives within and without us. -David Whyte –

This project will hopefully lead to learning new techniques and seeing in a new way, but I will be open to whatever is placed in my path. I will not be completely passive in this journey. I have ideas of techniques I want to learn and activities I hope to capture, but I will be flexible in my expectations. If my life has taught me anything, it’s that the alternate ending can be way more beautiful than Plan A.

Never be so focused on what you’re looking for that you overlook the thing you actually find. – Ann Patchett

So it begins – the 2020 Gratitude Project. If you are creating your own gratitude project, please share a link so I can follow. As much as I hope to stay true to my goals, I know how days can get busy or negative, and sharing in others’ gratitude fills my own gratitude tank! At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. – Albert Schweitzer

Should I slip back into emotions that keep me from shooting, I am leaving this here as my reminder that there is only one way for me to successfully complete this project – focusing on gratitude.

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10-1-20

It's my favorite time of day - the entire day ready to be discovered, full of hope and potential.

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10-2-20

There's a lot of sunrise/sunset pictures showing up in my gratitude project, but the autumn skies are unlike any other time of year. I over edited this one a bit because I realized EJ's truck was in the picture and I wanted to document that because I'm sure he texted me about this sky as he headed out of the neighborhood for work.

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10-3-20

I headed out to WyCo Lake this weekend and ran into some other birders (we all recognized each other by the giant lenses - "you like birds? I like birds!"). I love spending these homeschool days with my kids, but it was pretty great talking to some other bird obsessed adults, all of us completely understanding of the half attention we received while we scanned horizons and whipped our heads away from conversation at the slightest distant bird call.

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10-4-20

"Mom, it's a rainbow sunset! Get a picture!"

I was driving, so I set the exposure best I could and handed him the camera. And I love this shot that isn't technically mine.

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10-5-20

Someone is learning a new instrument

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10-6-20

The plan is to be back to in person school by November 1. I know they will love it and meet a bunch of new forever friends, and I know that I will find some wonderful self care and photography projects while they are gone during the day (I may even take the time to straighten that rug or fix that wonky drawer), but I am going to miss them so much. I feel like we are just getting into a groove here.

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10-7-20

I had my bird lens in the car so I dragged him to a trail after we dropped off M for her ukulele lesson. I didn't find any birds, but I got to hear all about Minecraft and space/time theories and secret worlds and his history paper andandand .... because he really is NEVER NOT TALKING. I think this kid with all of these ideas is going to change this world in the very best way. He's already done that for my world.

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10-8-20

Ah, my sweet kiddos holding hands and exploring. 2 seconds later, they picked up that stick they just spied and started sword fighting.

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10-9-20

There were so many fun pictures from the Fun Farm, but this was the pick for the project. You can tell a lot about a person by how he/she interacts with animals. If I'm ever concerned about the kindness in my kids' hearts, I can always return to this.

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10-10-20

Every weekend, I pick one day to roll out of bed early and drive somewhere to watch the sun rise. There is nothing more grounding and inspirational than watching this daily miracle, and one of my favorite places to watch is WyCo Lake. Lucky for me, it's only a 20 minute drive, so I don't have to wake up TOO early.

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10-11-20

He's always wanted a loft bed with a desk underneath. He's been asking for this for years and he had all sorts of plans about how it would be and what he would do. The first night he slept in it, it was a little creaky and he also realized that Chief couldn't cuddle with him. He didn't complain, but you could see that he was sad that maybe he had made the wrong choice about something that he thought would be so perfect. Now that we have settled in, this desk area has become his creative outlet, creating stories and drawings and entire worlds (many that he texts to me while I'm watching TV downstairs and he's supposed to be in bed). On nights when he's really missing cuddling with Chief, he'll sleep on the floor for a while

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10-12-20

"If we have been created in the image of the Artist, then we should look for expressions of artistry, and be sensitive to beauty, responsive to what has been created for our appreciation." -Edith Schaeffer, from Hansen's morning devotional reading on 10-13-20

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10-13-20

Some days, she finishes all of her assignments in an hour. Other days, she spends her time drawing koalas on her hands. I'm trying to embrace it all.

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10-14-20

When I taught high school English and the students weren't enjoying my lesson, they would "trick" me into telling stories about my grandma (there were a lot, and they were highly entertaining). I did this to my 5th grade English teacher, so I was onto my students - and I loved telling those stories more than they loved hearing them. And storytelling IS a Language Arts component, so WIN-WIN-WIN.

My new students are masters at this diversion technique.

My own private concert? Yes, please! Math can wait.

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10-15-20

And sometimes we need a little stretch break before we move on.

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10-16-20

This light on the wall in my office is my signal that my morning alone time is coming to a close. They are early risers - they don't want to miss anything. If they haven't already come into my office to say, "GOOD MORNING!" this light is also coming into their rooms and I can expect to hear those feet moving around above me.

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10-17-20

I was cutting the last of the frost bit flowers from the front beds when I heard H scream my name. He had been walking M to a friend's house and my anxious mom brain immediately thought someone was hurt, so I threw down the shears and went running barefoot in my pajamas to the corner.

"Nothing's wrong. Don't worry." (The kid knows me.)

And this was it, the source of the screaming for me to come - a baby mole. He was concerned it had lost its mom and he wanted to keep it. Luckily, I had my phone (which is how I was able to document this moment), so I could look up what to do if you find a baby mole. Answer - walk away, leave it alone, mom is likely hiding until humans are gone. But he wouldn't walk away. He was so worried - it was too little to even be afraid of us, so he stayed like this watching it for quite some time.

I called Grammy for some reinforcement and she suggested we move far enough away to not spook the mom but so we could still see it. We took her advice and moved down the cul-de-sac a bit and waited.
"This could take a while, H."
"Should one of us go get snacks," he asks.

When we walked Chief later that night, H ran ahead and texted back , "The mama mole found the baby."

The baby mole was gone and my optimist child always chooses the happy ending.

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10-18-20

Technically, this is from the 17th. I haven't been super motivated to shoot everyday, so some days end without a photo. I tried switching cameras to up the motivation, but the quality isn't as great as my Canon, so that isn't motivating me either. The positive thing is that these lulls always end in big inspiration, so I'm riding it out.

In any event, this was from Homeschool Art Day (which was pretty much the best day ever, where we watched YouTube art videos about what colors sound like and then painted to music all afternoon). Even though this isn't always how homeschool goes, this is how I want to remember it once they return to school.

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10-19-20

I heard something and glanced around the corner from my office to find H like this. We are trying to follow the school curriculum as much as possible since he's returning in January, but sometimes it's material he's studied before and he gets bored. He can't skip lessons (it's not perfect, but overall, this curriculum is great for him.) This lesson was on story structure, which is something H practices EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

He said doing push ups made the lesson go faster - whatever works, kid. Now to decide if I will record this as PE or Language Arts.

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10-20-20

Clearly, homeschooling in a bar is some serious fun. Learning their/they're/there is proving to be a laugh riot. Who knew?

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10-21-20

Autumn is my favorite season.
The flush of red and gold
a brief reminder that
everything is sweeter
when we know it cannot last.
-Gabriel Andreas

My kids are downstairs fighting.
Literal "I'm not touching you, you're touching me" fight, neither willing to move from the MIDDLE of the couch.

It's not like this often. When it is, I walk away because 1) that is clearly not a place for reasonable parenting, and I try to avoid being unreasonable & 2) I want to get away to reflect and remind myself what a blessing these 4 months are.

Although I will get way more done on my to do list, I realize how empty this house will seem when they go back to school. There will be no more Wednesday morning walks in the fog, searching for fall leaves for descriptive writing projects. There will be no more long uninterrupted afternoons sketching together to classical music. I won't get to experience those a-ha moments when one of them finally breaks through a learning barrier. I'll miss pulling up next to H to watch an algebra video so we can work through new material together. And M snuggling up close (sharing her blanket even when I don't ask because she knows I'm always cold) as we read about Sacagawea and the electoral college and dragons.

I'm fairly certain the fighting has stopped, but I think I just heard crumbling paper, likely the narrative writing graphic organizer I left on the table. The first balled up paper this week, so I'm calling it a win.

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10-22-20

I don't think the hungry 12-year-old will agree with this lunch menu.

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10-23-20

Well, I guess we are doing this.

I panicked a bit before bed, but then Chiefy came and cuddled with me and reminded me that it can all turn out amazing (even if the beginning makes me question my sanity).

These two great dog-loving kids have watched videos and read about strategies to avoid littermate syndrome, we're stocked up with treats & collars & leashes & toys & kennels and we're ready for our 2-week trial (this rescue won't commit until the potential families do a 2-week run).

Pray for us. Seriously.

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10-24-20

Adopting a puppy is challenging.

Adopting two puppies is more challenging.

Adopting two puppies during the coldest week of the year is insane.

But having two great dog kids helps. H couldn't handle watching her shiver on her first walk, so he stole my scarf and bundled her up.

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10-25-20

This may be the point where the gratitude project becomes the puppy project. But, come on, how adorable are these kids with these puppies! I can't even handle how sweet and good they are. M could give lessons on dog training - she's so confident and determined and patient. It's cool to watch.

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10-26-20

My days right now couldn't be better summed up than this (well, maybe if there was a little razor teeth tear in that paper). Puppies and homeschool - it's way more chill than it sounds.

On a related note, my kids learned a new phrase this week, "Let sleeping dogs lie."

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10-27-20

Once we get them not chewing on the instruments, they absolutely love music. It's how we get them to calm down and nap (usually YouTube videos, but sometimes they get lucky and get a live show).

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10-28-20

Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

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10-29-20

Cool dog and Kool Kat (he would cringe if he read this, but that's my job as the mom of a teen son).

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10-30-20

The hardest part of getting puppies this time of year is the weather. It's not easy training dogs when we're confined to the basement. It looks like we get a break for a while - mostly 65-70 through next Monday!

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10-31-20

So, this is what has become of my life - making sure these puppies are never out of sight. For puppies, though, these two are heavy on the cute and light on the destruction (though not completely void of it). It's possible that Chief just prepared me for anything.

November

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11-1-20

I'm not playing favorites - Zelda just chose to pose in some pretty light, so I took the opportunity . This puppy reminds me so much of sweet SpotDog.

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11-2-20

School is a little more fun with a puppy friend to "help" - not sure exactly what is happening here, but I'm hoping M is reading to Lily. History isn't her favorite subject, so most days it's a struggle. Math all day long would be her dream day.

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11-3-20

It's a photo without a puppy ;-D What's happening? I really just needed to grab my macro lens and escape reality for a bit.

What I pray for is more listening and less shaming, more grace and less judgement, more patience and less labeling. When we stop sharing our stories or shush those who are trying to share theirs, we've given up on progress. As far as we seem from one another, there is always common ground that can lead to conversation (talking with, not to or at) that, ultimately, can lead to change.

No one has ever changed their opinion because they were shushed and told they're not worthy.

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11-4-20

I asked the kids for the entire week if they had their Halloween costumes prepped. Both were adamant that they were ready. (We have a lot of costumes, so shopping for Halloween isn't always necessary). On October 30, M asked if we could "just check Amazon and see what they have for one day delivery." With a warning that one day delivery can mean well after trick or treating, she picked out a flowing dress and giant butterfly wings .... which arrived well after we started trick or treating. She found an option (after three quick changes and a full face of Koala face paint applied and washed off) and was able to enjoy the night. And now she has the perfect leash training outfit!

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11-5-20

Almost to a fault, I'm always looking for the lesson in the struggle. I can't sit in the hurt and not have faith that there is something to be gained from the experience. Maybe this spiral will snap us out of hate. Is it too optimistic to think we can collectively learn from this impossible year and be better from it? But, really, even one is a start .... one at a time is the only way anything big ever happens.

Dawn is always the worst (the best) for me in this regard - the new day, hope, the miracle of those colors and the comfort that, despite everything, the sun comes in the morning.

I'm a realist, though, and I know where we are and how much there is to overcome. I live through the harsh afternoon sun as well. But I will always sit with a sunrise, taking the time to latch on to the hope and everyday miracles. I think it's the only way to the other side - if we just stay angry or anxious and don't believe things can change, there really is no chance.

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11-6-20

Every day at 3, we do doggy brain work. Sometimes it's commands, sometimes obstacle course and sometimes, M's favorite, the treat hunt! We thought this contraption would be the easiest - it's an old LEGO advent calendar insert and we just dropped the treats in. What we didn't realize is that the containers are about a centimeter beyond their noses, so they couldn't get to the treats. M gave them some help, lifting it up and dropping it so a few would pop out at a time. Eventually, the puppies realized they could do the same things with their paws.

Not saying this is "easy," but I don't remember puppies being this fun. In the past, I focused on the digging and peeing and annoyances and forgot to take in the childlike wonder of a puppy and these cool moments when they learn something new.

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11-7-20

Three dogs (Chief, usually the smiler, wasn't having it), a family who hasn't "dressed up" since March, wind gusts that could knock you over, one lost remote so we had to use the self timer (Mom, RUUUN, it's blinking faster) and me misjudging the sunlight timing, BUT we are all in a 2020 picture and that's what I wanted.

Sorry, family, you will probably have to dress up again before November 2021 because I'm hiring a professional family photographer for our next portrait.

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11-8-20

I turned the wrong way after dropping H at youth group and had to turn around at the end of someone's driveway. When my car lights hit this pole, I gasped and paused at the scene and thought, "I should take a picture of this."

And then I thought how weird that was - it's just a pole and some weeds. But something about it kept me there. The movement, those colors, that sky and just the whole midwestern journey feel of it.

And then I realized that pausing at all means that I may have gone off track in my thinking about this project. It's right there in my description of why I am doing it --- "This project isn’t about proving a talent or perfecting a skill. This project focuses on noticing, on being aware of the blessings placed in front of me and capturing them, and on being grateful for the gift of seeing ... this project is about noticing those things and then gratefully documenting them."

I'm glad I stopped. I'm printing this one. It resonates and I can't really put my finger completely on the why. It gives me emotions that I haven't quite wrapped up yet and I feel like it will do me good to look at it more often.

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11-9-20

We knew we only had one day left of this gorgeous weather, so we took advantage. Playing guitar barefoot in November.

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11-10-20

H is way more chill with his training methods. Luckily, his puppy is pretty chill too, so it's a good match.

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11-11-20

I have the wake-up shift with the puppies. I'm not a huge fan of the cold and not sleeping in, but seeing these sunrises makes up for all of that!

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11-12-20

She's always had her own way of doing things I learned a long time ago to encourage her to trust what works for her even if it's not the "normal" way. She is rocking this new instrument and getting us all in the Christmas spirit with multiple Silver Bells performances daily.

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11-13-20

I've said it before - it's not what they teach at Sagasu, it's HOW. Look at all of those cheers surrounding H as he kicks the bag over. That's not coincidence. They've worked hard to build a culture of support, a place where kids are empowered to reach their goals but humble enough to celebrate others' achievements as well.

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11-14-20

I'm always pulling off on the shoulder to photograph pretty skies. The kids don't even question it when they feel the car slowing to a stop on the shoulder as the window comes down.

The other night, H got annoyed because I said he was taking too long to get off the couch and take the clearly-about-to-pee-in-the-house Zelda outside. "I'm going - stop telling me to do something I am already doing." (and then some sort of grumbling in teen as he walked outside.) This is pretty rare for H, and I kind of get the short temper with two new puppies and, well, just the whole stress of everything 2020.

About a minute after he was outside, he came to the door and yelled at us to get outside. His tone had changed so much, I thought something had happened with Zelda. But it was the sky he wanted us to see. There was a lightning storm in the distance turning the clouds all sorts of great shining colors all around him.

Two things here. 1 - The awesome sky instantly changed his mood. 2 - He wanted to share it with all of us.

About half the time, I think I'm screwing up this parenting thing, but if he lives his life being awed by nature AND wanting to share that with others, I'll take that as at least one win.

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11-15-20

This year was going to be the first time we hosted Christmas since before H was born. We're always the ones traveling to Dallas or NY over the holidays. We rarely even decorate except for the inside tree and some LEGO advent calendars on the dining room table. It's not awesome that COVID is keeping family away, but it is awesome that we are decorating early (and maybe even a little overboard) in our new home. And I know EJ is grateful for his two "helpers."

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11-16-20

It seems like an insignificant photo - just a group of kids playing in a parking lot. But this was a giant blessing of an afternoon for us. Right about the time I was at the edge of panic for my kids (and myself too) that this groundhog day schedule was pushing us close to depression, I got an email from a local homeschool group about their weekly meetups. Just getting out was great, but it went beyond. My kids actually found kids they clicked with and those kids' parents were awesome too. It felt amazing to be outside WITH PEOPLE, and to know it's a weekly thing has made us all a little perkier this morning.

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11-17-20

Did you know it's fairly common for littermates to have different dads? It's not something I really considered until it was mentioned in one of my Facebook groups. It's pretty obvious Zelda and Lily are not the same breed.

I used to wake up with coffee and my computer, but now it's coffee and puppies. And even when I get on my computer, it's pretty much all puppies because of the Facebook groups when we got these two. My feed is all puppies, birds, gardening and homeschool. It reminds me of old Facebook and it's nice.

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11-18-20

There's a lot of talk about the negative ways people are handling this virus, but I am really overwhelmed with the amazing sacrifices and willingness to adapt. It's hard to isolate, it's hard to try to run a business with COVID constantly in the background, it's hard to sacrifice all the best things about teaching but continue to teach because of the love of kids and it's hard that when we finally do get to see people, hugs are banned and all of the smiles are covered by masks. But most of us are doing it - the majority of people are making the sacrifices and it's okay to take a break from the frustration and celebrate those victories.

It was pretty last minute when I asked our music teacher to switch to a virtual lesson, but she and the kids didn't even flinch. They set it all up, no complaints, and made great music through the screen.

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11-19-20

I'm not gonna lie - the first couple of weeks, I had sudden moments of panic. What in the world had I done bringing 2 puppies into the house?!? Just when we were settled and in a routine, I find these two crazy puppies for the kids. Now we have a completely different schedule, a puppy-proofed basement (to include all of the basement carpets rolled up and stored until potty training is complete), an increased vet and pet food budget and, the best part, a whole lot more cuddling. Their personalities are coming through and the nicknames are piling up (a sampling for the curious - Lily ->Lilycakes, Elle, 2x4, Lil and Zelda -> Zeldabear, Zee, Trash Panda), they have suckered us into a basket full of new puppy toys, and they have full reign of the basement couch. Maybe settled and routine is overrated.

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11-20-20

We're spending a lot more time in the basement now since that's the puppy's space. H was lounging next to the big sliding door with that light coming in just right, so I made him pose for me. Unbrushed hair, sweatpants, quite likely the shirt he slept in, but I love it.

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11-21-20

She lost a tooth and told us that she needed to show her friend immediately. I don't know who was more excited. I have a lifelong best friend like this where the celebrations are mutual, where the important events aren't quite complete until the news is shared with her. I wish this for these girls.

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11-22-20

I haven't been down to the ponds in weeks. I was worried I had missed the best colors of fall, that everything had shifted from autumn hues to winter blah without me taking it all in. But there it was, this shiny warm leaf, waiting for me in the middle of the sticks and cold.

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11-23-20

One bad thing about the puppies - the transition back to the classroom will be even more difficult (for the puppies and the humans).

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11-23-20

48 hours before dinner and these two are prepping the turkey. Thanks goodness for them because I can't imagine prepping dinner two days in advance. I'm patting myself on the back if I've even planned dinner 2 HOURS before it happens. I do help with Thanksgiving dinner, but it's more last minute stuff like cranberries and creamed spinach and Brussels sprouts. And I don't mind doing dishes.

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11-24-20

What we have here is a child who didn't like wearing her glasses, so she lost two pair over the past year (taking them on and off and on and off). Now she has no pairs of glasses and her eyes are really starting to bother her. She has vowed to wear them constantly this time around. As we are all learning this year, sometimes it takes losing something to realize how vital that thing is.

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11-25-20

Anytime I see an airplane, I go to the stories on board. I imagine where the travelers are going. Is it a honeymoon? Are they traveling to someone's deathbed to say final goodbyes? Is it just a fun trip where everyone can drop the everyday stress and relax for once? But this is 2020 and this is Thanksgiving, so the airplane stories just made me sad because I want it to be my family coming to visit here.

But this is a gratitude project, not a what am I sad about project. And here I am walking my dogs in my safe neighborhood looking at this beautiful sky knowing that, when the time comes, we are all healthy and able to travel. And those are wonderful blessings.

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11-27-20

After this pandemic has passed, I am begging my best friend to visit immediately so we can fall back in uncontrollable fits of ridiculous best friend laughter. It is one of the very best experiences.

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11-28-20

Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled—
to cast aside the weight of facts

and maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking

into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing—
that the light is everything...

And I do.
― Mary Oliver, House of Light

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11-29-20

I loved that first night after the sun set and all of our Christmas lights were shining in the darkness. But nothing beats coming downstairs to the quiet of the tree lights and the sunrise. It reminds me of that calm before the storm on Christmas mornings, the anticipation and wonder and joy. It stinks that we won't be spending Christmas with extended family this year, but I'm excited about starting new traditions in our forever home.

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11-30-20

Our new homeschool group couldn't meet in person, but we were able to do a LEGO Zoom meetup and the kids absolutely loved it! I think this was when they were doing the " build your favorite Thanksgiving treat" challenge. (H=apple crumble & M=stuffing)

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12-1-20

With 2 new puppies and 2 homeschooling kids, we are on a pretty strict schedule. Otherwise, we might just cuddle and watch YouTube videos all day, which is exactly where I found everyone after I got stuck on a phone call well past the scheduled break time.

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12-2-20

December 2nd, National Mutt Day, encourages us to embrace, save and celebrate mixed breed dogs.

Guess we are going all in for that in this house.

I said I would never get another puppy and certainly not another large breed dog. I said our next dog would be the scruffy, lazy type. And I see these three here, basically Chief and two miniature versions of Chief and it's obvious what has happened. It would happen to anyone living with Chief though. Despite being the most challenging puppy in the entire history of puppies, she may be the very best dog in all history. And, thankfully, Lily and Zelda are proving calm (for puppies) and cuddly and wonderful and the perfect fit for our family.

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12-3-20

This light shows up every night in our living room. It lasts for about 2 minutes as the sun sets through the porch door and then disappears as quickly as it appeared. I always think I should grab my camera to document it because this light makes me feel at home.

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12-4-20

"H, do you mind if I stop for a minute to take a picture of that cloud bird?"

"Of course not - you have to take a picture of that! That's so cool!"

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12-5-20

This is two seconds before she pounced on her sister. I have to say, though, these are the easiest puppies we've ever had. I don't want to jinx myself - maybe I'm remembering incorrectly and the chewing and potty training headaches come later? For now, the sibling rivalry is the only frustration and that's not even that bad. Fingers crossed.

341/366
12-6-20

I'm kind of obsessed with M's Christmas ornament making skills.

342/366
12-7-20

Another great time at our new homeschool group! This game was hilarious!

343/366
12-8-20

These two crack me up. I don't know what M will do once Lily is too big to lift because she is always carrying and babying this sweet puppy. Lily is eating and growing like crazy, though, so it's going to be soon.

344/366
12-9-20

M came running in from the backyard exclaiming, "Mom!!! I heard an owl out there!! There's an owl behind our house!!!!"

I often worry about the mistakes I am making that will screw up my kids, but there is one thing I've helped influence that will certainly make their lives fuller - they notice things. Colors and bird calls, a cool new shirt that they are quick to complement or the way people's faces shift when their mood shifts. They notice the details and they aren't hesitant to share the wonder with others.

When these geese came flying overhead, we all shifted our gaze, even the puppies. I guess they are noticers too.

345/366
12-10-20

There is absolutely no way this puppy transition would have worked without H&M being so helpful.

346/366
12-11-20

I've been trying to get away with a simple IKEA magnifying mirror for years now, but I finally gave in and bought the 10x lighted one. It's not labeled like the 90s ones, but it has the different lighting settings - daytime, evening, indoor. I remember how much fun we had with these as kids, switching the lights back and forth and playing with the different magnifications. Mila could sit here for hours.

347/366
12-12-20

It's cookie time!!!! We have, hands down, the best family sugar cookie recipe from EJ's mom. There are a lot of rules that make it the best, starting with the timing of when the cookies are cut to rotating them on the oven racks to icing (this is the only rule I don't agree with - I think you can have blue & red stars and yellow Christmas trees, but EJ is a little more strict). The kids were trying to be extra efficient, saving as much space on the roll out as possible, puzzling the cutters to utilize all the space. They took too long and the timing was off, so we had a floppy first batch. After some eye rolls and deep breathing, we got our assembly line on track and did Mimi's recipe justice.

348/366
12-13-20

Cookie making, day 2. We're pretty much professionals now. Messy professionals, but still.

349/366
12-14-20

We really had no idea, did we? During that first week, it never occurred to us that we wouldn't be celebrating Easter together. And here we are, a 4th of July, 3 birthdays, a Halloween and Thanksgiving later (and a Christmas & New Years on the horizon) away from family. We need good news. And we got good news. The light at the end of the tunnel. A glimpse of an end to this dark time. Here comes the sun.

350/366
12-15-20

I wonder what will be hardest when they go back to school - no nap time, having to sit in actual chairs, not having cuddly puppies around, not having 3 people home all day to take care of the puppies? And who will be hit hardest - dogs, kids, mom?

351/366
12-16-20

As a kid, one of my favorite places to be in winter was over the floor vent covered in a sheet. I don't know if I told her about this or she figured it out on her own, but I think I may sneak over there with my own blanket later today.

352/366
12-17-20

The video monitor is supposed to be for me to watch the dogs - I want to slowly give them the chance to be alone in the basement, but I don't want anything destroyed. Until the kids go back to school, they are always down there cuddling with the rups and watching YouTube Minecraft videos and cracking up.

353/366
12-18-20

This kid has a chopstick obsession. He tried to use them on the little bead sprinkles, but you can guess how that went.

354/366
12-19-20

This upcoming Christmas Star event had us looking up more this week. I don't have lenses that allow me to photograph planets, but that doesn't keep me from trying to photograph the sky. It's almost as therapeutic as macro getting lost in the craters of the moon.

355/366
12-20-20

It was such a blessing to find this homeschool group; I only wish we had found them sooner. (photo from the left/right present exchange game)

356/366
12-21-20

Making the transition to 7th grade is hard already, but add a new district (which starts middle school in 6th grade unlike our last district which still has 6th in elementary) and a pandemic transition from homeschooling, and I was extra nervous for H. When we enrolled, the Delta teacher immediately took over, testing him to determine the right math class and letting him tour the school before he became a student. Then she made the extra effort to invite him to Delta classes these past two weeks so January wouldn't be such a shock. It has made all the difference with this transition, and I don't see any of that anxiety he had when we first started discussing this. (To avoid embarrassing the teen, I sat my camera on the dash and just pushed the button hoping for something usable to document this moment.)

357/366
12-22-20

ZOOMIESx6

358/366
12-23-20

Even when we travel to NY or Dallas, our evening Advent is something we carry with us every year wherever we are. This year, it was just us in our new home sharing my favorite of our Christmas traditions. Slowing down, sharing the story of Jesus' birth, hearing the family pray for one another and sharing gratitude, singing together before blowing out the candle & distributing treats - I can't pick a favorite part; it's just the entire collection of sharing something as a family.

359/366
12-24-20

I think the best part of this year's present opening was how excited they were for one another. It helps that LEGOs, laser fights, Nerf wars and Switch games are at the top of BOTH of their lists!

360/366
12-25-20

I'm not complaining that a video game is their favorite Christmas gift this year. WIN/WIN for crossing off fitness and screen time with this game.

361/366
12-26-20

I was hesitant about the idea of a 3D printer - it seemed like a high value gift that didn't have a lot of usefulness. I'm not sure if his first creation is because he loves me so much or because he felt my hesitancy and wanted to prove its usefulness, but I LOOOOOVE my new elephant!

362/366
12-27-20

Chief with the stare of "please don't ever put a tree in my space ever again." I don't know how to break it to her that it will happen every December.

363/366
12-28-20

As much as I want all the LEGOs upstairs in the Creativity Room and rest of the gifts stowed away in their rooms & the basement, I have to admit that I love the chaos of the week after Christmas when our dining room table is a building table and friends are in and out all the time sharing the excitement of new gifts and free time before the new school semester begins.

364/366
12-29-20

Yes. Those are treats on her paws. I would like to report that this is due to our incredible training ability, but Zelda does not do this - she looks at us with her smarmy expression and makes a game of stealing the treats as fast as possible. And Lily hasn't mastered all of our commands at this point either. But LEAVE IT with treats is her specialty.

365/366
12-30-20

I love birds. So much so that the phrase, "I love birds!" is a joke around our house. But as much as they joke about my passion, they always support it. I get texts and yelled alerts and gasps when cool birds are around because they know how much I appreciate them. They push me to take time to study and search and photograph the birds.

I'm sure I falter, but my hope is that they feel how I honor their passions as well, that I pause and take in what awes them and find opportunities to share the joy that a passion allows us. I can't really explain why I love them so much .... it's just a part of my soul, I suppose.

366/366
12-31-20

I have been loving the On Pointe docuseries on Disney Plus. It wasn't until yesterday's episode that I realized the episodes were created in 2019/2020. As their Nutcracker performances were wrapping up, the chatter was in the background - no panic yet, but there were mentions of "a virus" and a scene with an RA disinfecting front desk pens. I was already sucked in but, in that moment, I wished I hadn't started the series. I knew what was about to happen to these kids. Their passion, all of their hard work prepping for spring performances, spending every day with others as excited about dance as they were --- it was all about to come to a screeching halt. And they had no idea. As they packed "just a little extra" for the extended Spring Break and waved to friends as they stepped into airports, they had no idea. Like all of us, they had no clue what 2020 had in store. As the Zoom classes started, I had to turn it off. For then, at least. It was too much.

I wonder, had I known what was in store for 2020, would I have started this project? As it ends, I see the benefit. I realize how the reflections helped me survive it. But I don't know that I would have signed up for a Gratitude Project knowing we were about to endure what this year threw at us.

Yesterday, I realized that my project numbers were off. Somehow, I was at 358 of 366, so I had to go back to 1/366 and figure out where I got off track. As I clicked through the year, I was overwhelmed with the emotions, the growth, the longing for friends and family but also the extra time with my immediate family. I know the project was beneficial, but I don't think I will experience the full impact until we are away from this pandemic for some time. I think that's when the messages will sink in, like watching a long ago docuseries about my own life, with my own reflections, about an important time of growth that I would not have chosen given the choice.

But that's the thing, isn't it? We can't choose what we live. We can only choose what we give to it and, eventually, hopefully, the lessons we take away from it.

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(New Year's Eve tradition - awful selfies with new year's glasses after watching early fake countdown.)